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[takumato]

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[takumato]

Um...

[ suddenly self-conscious and aware of what he's said, takumi instinctively flushes.

eito's heartfelt speeches may have been artificial, but they were very fluid. he didn't hesitate when he expressed them, uniting the friends he found repulsive with ease and lifting the mood. takumi, meanwhile, can only be affectionate like that in the heat of the moment. it is natural so long as he is distracted. otherwise...

...it really is embarrassing. ]

You're welcome.

[ said as lamely as possible. ]

[blindsided]

[ The fact that Takumi goes a shade redder does not escape Eito's notice, but he refrains from commenting. ]

Now that that's over with... I have a somewhat selfish request. Will you hear me out?

[ The gears in his brain are turning, the vague shape of an idea beginning to form. ]

[takumato]

[ there had been a missing component to that conversation, a truth that takumi himself has not addressed or is aware of just yet. why, exactly, he had gotten so, so enraged. takumi had given an explanation for having saved eito's life, but he did not justify why he fled his position or brutalized the body of the alien that ultimately killed eito. this lack of understanding of his feelings could be a blessing or a curse; after all, it is eito that suffers from it the most.

blurred lines and ambiguous feelings... they'd need a miracle for a timely resolution. ]

Sure. What is it?

[ takumi's face is still pleasantly pink, and he has to resist the urge to avert his gaze. still, he tries his best to not look as though eito's earnest gratitude had shaken him up. ]

...As long as it isn't unreasonable.

[ he tacks that on as a precaution. ]

[blindsided]

[ That noted missing component isn't something Eito has neglected to consider, but he has a feeling that it would be a fruitless endeavor to try to nudge the truth out of Takumi at this moment. It's something to be revisited and dissected, for sure.

And on some level... Eito might be avoiding the truth, himself. The fact that there is meaning behind most of Takumi's actions as their leader is undeniable, and this is no exception. That streak of violent rage was not just a random whim of his.

He'll drag the answers out of Takumi at some point, though, and sooner than later. That's for certain. ]

There's something I want to check, and it involves activating our Hemoanima.

[ Given how Eito is still recovering from his injury, Takumi might not be on board with that idea, but the straight line Eito's mouth makes demonstrates how serious he is about this. ]

Can we?

[takumato]

Here?

[ as in, in eito's bedroom? ]

Uh... you are bedridden and know that, right?

[ that's technically not true. eito's been able to meander around his room at least, meticulously throwing away or cleaning up miscellaneous trash and items takumi accidentally leaves behind at the end of the day. ]

If this will be dangerous...

[ takumi trails off, but the disapproving note in his voice lingers. ]

[blindsided]

Obviously not here.

[ Not that Eito made that at all clear. Sorry, Takumi. ]

We've done this dozens of times by now, haven't we? It should be perfectly safe. With that being said, I didn't have an exact location in mind... Maybe somewhere private?

[ He hums, tossing the suggestion out there like it's the most normal and casual thing in the world. ]

[takumato]

...That'd work.

[ his agreement is reluctant. ]

Sirei didn't tell me what was wrong with you, but I don't want there to be another causality.

[ and thus takumi admits to having hounded sirei earlier regarding eito's condition. the little things always slip out when he isn't paying attention. ]

Is it fine if it's the infirmary? Can you make it there?

[blindsided]

Of course I can. You don't need to treat me like I'm a fragile maiden in need of protection, you know.

[ Somehow, it's both annoying and endearing, much like the countless other complicated emotions Takumi tends to spark within him. ]

So. [ Eito drawls, slanting a knowing look at Takumi. ] You bothered Sirei about this, did you? I'm not surprised he was avoidant, given that he's scarcely told me anything, either.

[takumato]

[ I know that, he thinks. You still look like one, though.

(oh, woe is me, forbidden and random gay thought.)

it also takes a hot second for takumi to comprehend why eito knows what he's been up to. once realization hits, he curses his lack of filter. ]

Yeah, so? I said I knew something was different this time. Of course I'd investigate.

[ takumi ignores the prickle in his cheeks. ]

The only thing he told me was that you were gonna need more recovery time.

[blindsided]

Right, right. No need to get defensive on me.

[ Oh, Takumi......... ]

I can't dispute Sirei's words, but I'll still be able to make it to the infirmary just fine. Speaking of which, why the infirmary, anyway? Not that I'm objecting.

1/2

[takumato]

[ eito's question instantly has takumi sobering up. ]

Just in case.

[ it comes out quieter, somewhere between a murmur and seemingly dismissive remark. takumi then gets to his feet and shoves the apple knife into his pocket. he leaves eito's bedside to wander around the length of his mattress, only pausing upon reaching the entryway of the hallway leading out of the room.

he glances back and gives eito a lingering look. there's something indiscernible in his expression. ]

I'll come by tomorrow morning. Try not to overwork yourself.

2/2

[takumato]

[ takumi's features subtly soften, and he smiles. ]

See you, Aotsuki.

1/2

[blindsided]

[ Despite Eito's occasional trouble with making out expressions, the shifts in Takumi's have always been easier for him to discern. He's an expressive person.

The smile is returned, gentle and so sincere it surprises even him. ]

Goodnight, Takumi-kun. See you soon.

2/2

[blindsided]

[ Just in case, huh. Takumi's visit today has given him a lot to chew on, to put it lightly.

Eito sleeps surprisingly well that night—better than usual, at least. Perhaps his subconscious knows he could use the strength, given that he'll be using his infuser for the first time since the Incident.

He doesn't expect to see Takumi until later in the morning, given how heavy a sleeper he is when no one wakes him... but much to Eito's surprise, there's a knock on his door bright and early. By then, he's already dressed and ready, so he has no issue greeting Takumi at the door, his infuser tucked away. ]

Ready to go?

[takumato]

[ whereas eito managed to sleep pretty peacefully, takumi had some trouble settling down.

he'd laid in bed, thick, heavy blankets pulled up to his chest and mind racing as he considered worst case scenarios. because sirei didn't divulge enough information, takumi envisioned a reality in which eito transforming somehow permanently killed him. it was his soul that was injured in the first place, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to believe he was strongly weakened. and if not that, then... dying because of eito's idea. which, takumi had reminded himself, eito hadn't gotten into the details of.

he still woke up early though. much earlier than takumi is often capable of, usually sleeping up until the morning announcement and well into everyone's breakfast. the skin beneath his eyes is a bit dark when he greets eito at his door. ]

Yeah. [ takumi nods, fingering curling around his infuser in his pocket. ] Come on.

[ he leads eito from the rooftop through the school itself and towards the infirmary. it's when they've stopped in front of its door that takumi reaches out and grasps eito's sleeve. ]

...You haven't told me what we'll be doing.

1/2

[blindsided]

[ None of their classmates seem to be around, which Eito counts as a blessing. At this hour, they're probably concentrated in the cafeteria for breakfast.

The second Takumi grasps his sleeve, Eito almost jerks away, his first instinct being to recoil as though he's been burned. It takes no small amount of effort to keep from doing so, but given what he's about to ask Takumi to help with in the infirmary, this bare minimum level of closeness should be nothing. Should be.

Though his body visibly stiffens, when Eito responds, his tone is airy and light, as casual as ever. Is it just him, or does Takumi look even uglier than usual this morning? A rare lack of sleep, perhaps? ]

Oh, did I not mention it? We're investigating.

[ He remains cryptic not only to keep Takumi on his toes and watch him squirm, but in case he were to refuse the idea at the last minute. If he says it upfront, Takumi might say no, and then what? Eito could experiment on his own, but a full comprehension of what's going on with his soul would elude him if he has no one to compare his results with. He is not content to stand by and wait for this unpleasant, agonizingly empty feeling in his chest to dissipate on its own.

Before Takumi can protest, the door opens, and Eito moves to step inside. It's no surprise that the infirmary is just as creepy as it always is. Countless orange-red lights cast eerie, crimson shadows over their faces, painting a grim scene with an unsettling atmosphere. ]

2/2

[blindsided]

[ Once the door closes behind them, Eito states the obvious aloud. Yesterday, when Takumi let it slip that he had questioned Sirei about Eito's condition, something had clicked into place, and now, the evidence is continuing to pile up. ]

Even now, you're worried about me. Far more than you tend to worry about the others.

[ Eito takes out his infuser, but makes no indication that he'll actually use it yet. The blank look he gives Takumi makes it clear that he's expecting an explanation first and foremost. ]

[takumato]

[ 'investigating'.

takumi isn't sure what to think of it, but considering recent events... whatever it is that eito wants to do must have to do with his chest cavity—or his soul, more specifically. however, that does leave takumi wondering what role he will be playing here. will he be watching eito do what he wants to do or will takumi be an active participant somehow? the thought of experiencing the pain that eito did when he'd been injured is a bit daunting to think about... pain generally is, but this is different. takumi had said so himself.

of course, he isn't given a chance to confront how vague eito is being. the door to the infirmary has closed behind them, and eito has pointed out something that takumi has been rather avoidant about, consciously or otherwise. ]

What's wrong with that?

[ he huffs and gives eito a glance. takumi then saunters further into the infirmary with both hands now in his pockets. ]

Or do you not want me to care about you?

[ takumi had briefly considered protesting the latter half of eito's statement but decided it wouldn't help his case. he chooses not to address it directly. ]

[blindsided]

Ah, and there's that binary thinking of yours. Seeing things in black-and-white terms, as always. Right, or wrong. Caring, or detached.

It's... more complicated than that.

[ Eito's gaze drops as his thumb rubs against the hilt of his infuser. The kanji for the number four is engraved into it—the same kanji meaning 'death'. The irony of it has never escaped him.

He knows he's putting him on the spot, but Eito can't see things in such simple terms. Does he want Takumi to care about him? It's a difficult question with an answer that has countless layers to it, layers Eito hasn't even explored.

It would be easier if he didn't care, but... Eito wants him to. He wants Takumi's attention on him. He wants his affection, as useless as it might be.

Eito meets Takumi's eyes again, head-on, giving him no room to dodge the statement. ]

Takumi-kun, you went on what can only be described as a vicious killing spree for my sake.

[takumato]

[ no longer facing eito, takumi takes the opportunity to gather himself. he willfully swallows his mounting apprehension, the lingering embarrassment from being called out, and curls his fingers tighter around his infuser in hopes it'll ground him. he feels a bit like a caged animal right now. being forced to acknowledge what he'd been pointedly averting his eyes from is causing his heart to race.

there's a beat of silence where takumi just doesn't respond. eito might see his head lower a little, and then takumi eventually replies in a more serious, quiet tone. ]

I didn't want to lose you.

[ just entertaining the thought makes his stomach churn. he doesn't like it. ]

The you I met before—he was my best friend. He reassured me when it counted, and I liked spending time with him and listening to him talk. I know that what he felt for me was a lie, but... what I felt wasn't.

[ takumi feels stupid just bringing this up. it's not like eito remembers anything. ]

I do care about you. Despite everything, I always have. I didn't think I'd have to spell it out.

[ he finally turns to face eito. ]

And before you think I'm projecting him onto you, I'm not.

1/2

[blindsided]

[ Now it's Eito's turn to fall silent, because what is he supposed to do with all that? Takumi's heartfelt honesty, his courage and resolve—it makes his heart beat that much faster. Much like his chest cavity, the sensation is unpleasant.

Eito has spent most of his life despising humanity to the point of wanting to eradicate it. For so long, that pure hatred was the only thing that kept him going. That's why he can't even begin to fathom what kind of relationship he had with Takumi in that other timeline. It's too far removed from his own experiences, and Takumi has made it clear that he knows this, too.

But despite that omnipresent mask he used to wear, was there a chance that Eito felt something more complex for Takumi, just as he must admit he does now? While Takumi has those memories to go off of, all this version of himself has is the present, and the knowledge that Takumi could have killed him for his betrayal, yet chose not to.

Eito wishes he could meet this past self of his and dissect his brain, all so he could have a chance at understanding.

What he knows now is that he wants to protect his stupid, ugly, disgusting, hideous friends. And above all, he wants to protect Takumi, too. ]

I wasn't going to accuse you of projecting.

[ That's a half-truth at best, but it's distressing that Takumi knows him well enough to read his mind. Eito doesn't want to confront that. ]

2/3

[blindsided]

[ Eito takes a deep, shuddering breath and presses onward with his own deflection, if only because he has no idea how to process Takumi's genuine words. Give him some time. ]

... Allow me to go over what I want to investigate. If we're lucky, the results might give us some clarity regarding the injury I sustained.

[ Or they'll learn nothing and this will result in little more than a bloody mess painting the infirmary, but Eito is not going to dwell on that right now. There's already enough to ruminate over. ]

We will both activate our Hemoanima, and then I would like you to reach into my chest cavity and grasp my soul in the palm of your hand.

[ Takumi isn't the only one who can read minds here—Eito knows he'll be stunned into silence, which gives him the perfect chance to continue. ]

The reason you'll be using your infuser is because I want to compare results. That is, I'll be doing the same to yours.

3/3 SORRY

[blindsided]

You'll do this for me. Won't you, Takumi-kun?

1/2 HEHE

[takumato]

[ yeah, eito knows takumi just as well. his reveal absolutely renders takumi speechless, and his face pales considerably.

you've got to be kidding. ]

2/2

[takumato]

[ okay. breathe. ]

...You're crazy.

[ he has to establish that first. ]

How do I know you won't just keel over the instant I touch it? This is too dangerous.

[ time to use those manipulative skills, aotsuki. ]