[ There it is, that delicious praise and validation he's been craving—yearning for, even. If Takumi is cognizant enough to notice, he might feel the way Eito's cock twitches in response.
When he speaks, his voice comes in little more than a whisper, husky with want. He leans in closer to Takumi, much closer, tilting his head to the side and making direct eye contact. ]
So needy. Begging for me like that... Just how desperate are you, Takumi-kun?
[ Not that Eito is faring much better. The way Takumi uses that strength to hold him and take what he wants sends more ripples of heat surging through him, making everything feel even more dizzying and feverish. In this moment, it feels as though he has never wanted anything more in his entire life than this. That can't be true, but his usual logic and reason has been thrown out the window. At this point, he's no better than Takumi. ]
I'll give you what you want.
[ Syrupy sweet, an echo of Takumi's promise from earlier. Living up to those words, Eito jerks them both off in earnest, hips clumsily colliding with Takumi's all the while. Simultaneously, he starts fucking Takumi's soul with his fingers again, twisting them each time he pumps them in and out. It's sloppy and uncoordinated and graceless, but that certainly doesn't stop him. Eito is close, can feel himself throttling toward the edge—but some twisted sense of pride has him wanting to see Takumi fall apart first, all so he can be the one to put him back together afterward. ]
[ the apology comes out slurred. takumi can't fathom why he even says it, but it's likely his masochistic streak, the urge to be good and please his partner. eito isn't actually unhappy with his desperation—the opposite, clearly—and yet takumi still yearns for acceptance. he returns eito's teasing look with one of pure pleading, doe-eyed and lashes wet. there's no greater relief than eito smiling and declaring takumi will receive his reward.
...no, maybe the sweetened husk in eito's voice is far superior. a renewed flush rushes up takumi's neck from that honeyed lilt, and he hurriedly nods, forehead lightly bumping into eito's as he does. red and white entwine together. ]
Thanks, thank you, [ he stammers dumbly. the sharp, commanding tone takumi takes on as team leader is shot dead; instead, all that remains is a boyish waver and pointless quivering. ] I—I want it.
[ eito's hand tightens and commits to jerking them off, and takumi doesn't have to look to know their mixture of precum has saturated his glove. his pants are loud and heavy as he tries to endure the rapid pangs of arousal the friction elicits. the fact they're nearly painful just brings takumi more pleasure; how far gone is he, then? he can't even adjust to eito's palm before eito takes the opportunity to thrust his fingers back into takumi's cavity.
his vision instantly blackens, overwhelmed by an unbearably hot sensation and an urge to come. he wouldn't be shocked if he died from this.
takumi chokes on a sob and shudders. ]
Ao—tsuki—
[ his petite frame is overtaken by involuntary trembling before abruptly going rigid. then, takumi whimpers faintly, a hot rope of come spurting out from between eito's fingers and sullying them completely. his gratification is numbing, and yet takumi instinctively seeks more of eito. he mindlessly and weakly thrusts into eito's hand, whining to himself as he unloads between them in sticky strands. the heat of eito's cock nudges against takumi's and encourages his defeat. ]
[ It's absolutely pathetic, the way their beloved Team Leader has been reduced to this. Disgusting, repulsive, unsightly—Eito can't get enough of it. No one, no one else will ever see Takumi like this, this utterly wrecked and useless.
No one besides him, that is. Eito will make sure of that. ]
That's right. There you go. Easy, now...
[ He coos as Takumi's spend debauches his glove. Takumi whining through the tail end of his climax and chasing every last remnant of pleasure has Eito making a choked noise in the back of his throat before he comes, too, embarrassingly quick to follow. With the whole experience being as surreal as it has been, it feels as though his orgasm hits in slow motion, lazy waves of pleasure washing over him as he rolls his hips even knowing Takumi will be overstimulated. He fingers Takumi's soul through the entire thing, greedily drinking in one last vision of Takumi the young man rather than Takumi the monster.
And then it's over, the finale finished, and Eito slumps over, breath coming in harsh, labored pants against the skin of Takumi's neck. It takes a good minute before he retracts his hand from Takumi's chest cavity, sliding out gently. His glove is just as drenched and ruined as the one covered in both their seed. ]
[ Eito looks up. Realizes how close they are, for the hundredth time. And then, the most powerful wave of nausea he has ever felt crashes over him like a monsoon. ]
You have ten seconds to get off of me before I puke my guts out all over you. This is your only warning.
[ His tone is clipped and indecipherable, though not harsh. As reality catches up with him, including his regular, fucked-up senses, the mood dissipates into a sickening feeling far more familiar to him, one that greets him like an old friend. ]
[ although takumi can't see, he can still hear eito in front of him, feel his breath tickling his skin and the subsequent gush of headiness when he orgasms. he wants to nuzzle closer in some embarrassing display of comfort and reassurance, but reality isn't as forgiving. takumi can't relish in eito or his warmth very long at all; much too quickly, his relief turn to abject repulsion. the intimate atmosphere between them evaporates, ending as swiftly as it began.
takumi just barely manages to nod in response to eito's blunt warning. ]
Okay.
[ it's—hard to move. his legs feel like jelly, and he is admittedly still very lightheaded. takumi's vision is flickering, too. he gathers his strength regardless, pulling enough of himself together to shimmy backwards and... fall onto his ass. takumi makes a little ugh from the impact of landing on the ground. ]
Um... [ he lifts his gaze and concentrates on eito's features. they're blotchy, but stiff. ] You can puke if you want.
[ The words are dripping with annoyance, and it's the only thing Eito can manage before he turns away from Takumi, gets on his hands and knees, and vomits up the contents of his stomach from the past day or so. All things considered, it's not much besides apple slices and stomach acid, but that only makes it worse. Tears sting at the corners of his eyes as he retches, over and over, senses going haywire in the worst way possible.
He should be used to dealing with this by now, but it's still... frustrating, to put it lightly. To have a moment of intimate physical connection for the first time in his life, only for it to be shattered like this.
Eito has no idea how much time passes like that, but eventually, nothing comes out anymore except spit and drool. He can't even wipe his mouth, gloves ruined as they are. Taking one glove off is the only option, but letting another person see his bare hand for the first time feels like exposing too much.
Then again, he and Takumi quite literally just jerked off together while feeling around each other's insides, so—wait, no, that thought is enough to have Eito dry heaving again. ]
Ugh.
[ With a disgusted sound, Eito plucks one ruined glove off, tosses it to the ground and swipes at his mouth. ]
guy that would hold your hair for you while you throw up ❤️
[ darkened and fuzzy as he is, takumi can make out that eito's previously flushed face has paled considerably. he's sure if he reached out to place the back of his hand on eito's cheek or forehead, he'd feel clammy, as well. that would definitely worsen the situation, though, so takumi just politely averts his eyes as eito leans away and upturns his stomach.
...it really isn't a big deal. in the previous timeline when takumi was trying to get tsubasa on board to fight, he'd ran a few lines of reassurance through his mind, one of which was to offer to puke with her to alleviate her embarrassment. vomit isn't something he's particularly fussed over, so eito throwing up the apple snack and bile is fine; it doesn't make takumi nauseous at all. rather, he wishes he could rub circles into eito's back to at least soothe him during his ordeal.
Sorry, he thinks to himself. he figures it wouldn't help to say it aloud.
takumi looks over at eito only after it appears that there's nothing left to spit out. he stares a little too hard at the exposed skin of his hand. ]
[ like a trained dog, takumi instantly tears his gaze away from eito's exposed knuckles. he then lowers his head, somewhere between apologetic and pensive. the silence sobers him up.
there's... a lot that could be said. about what was exposed from touching each other's souls, the sheer physicality, their feelings, and the overall connection between them through various timelines. takumi may understand eito better than ever before, but it'll take time to process everything. he also has to finally acknowledge his own affections. how many lives has he lived turning a blind eye? did he ultimately doom their relationship the very moment he went back in time? or did it happen before then, when he failed to notice eito's betrayal and twisted love for him in those original hundred days?
when he finally responds, takumi's voice is raspy and low. ]
I'll clean everything up. Get some rest.
[ they can't have anyone wondering where the blood spatters, mysterious fluids, or vomit came from. it's the least takumi can do, anyway. ]
And Aotsuki...
[ deep, dark blue irises lift from the floor to study eito's face. takumi's expression is vague. ]
You're so kind, Takumi-kun. Far too kind. If you're not careful, some people might take advantage of that.
[ Eito's eyes are curious and bright behind his glasses, their regular lilac hue having returned. Though he still looks weak and pale, he's gracious enough to offer Takumi a small, appreciative smile, unexpectedly genuine. ]
See you soon. This has been enlightening.
[ He picks up his soiled glove and stands. And then, with a too-casual wave of his bare hand, he makes his way out the door. ]
[ that's the warning takumi gives before he gently presses a cold and wet towelette against eito's reddened waterline, diligently wiping away the crusted blood that has gathered there. it's apparent from the steadiness of his hand and his lack of reaction to the injury's gruesomeness that this is something he has done before. yes, eito's empty, ravaged sockets are no longer a surprise to takumi; he simply cleanses what is leftover, already having spent time mourning once familiar lilac.
...it's been nearly two weeks since the experiment. a lot has changed.
with pressure mounting, sirei finally revealed the truth of their origins. the reality that they are not human, that their precious loved ones and memories are fabricated, had been devastating. however, it also set things in motion. they were fighting with purpose now, though decidedly not for humanity but for themselves. and after a handful of days, takumi managed to overcome his initial despondency. he had to if he wanted to survive.
nevertheless, his uncertainty regarding eito remained.
they... didn't discuss what happened between them, not really. if anything, they continued on rather precariously, acknowledging each other in public and avoiding spending too much time one on one. takumi didn't mind at first. he knew eito needed to sift through more than just his feelings for him; he had to accept that his very foundation had been faulty from the start. yet, even with that in mind, takumi felt that the lack of closure hurt. he stewed on it in his room most afternoons.
eventually, this period of ambiguity resolved itself. and it was at the cost of eito's eyesight. ]
That better? [ takumi prompts, voice rough as he dabs the outer corner of eito's lashes. ] I know it probably still hurts, though.
[ While Takumi was stewing in his room for a time, Eito had been doing some brooding of his own, racking his brain over all the new information they learned and trying to make a shred of sense out of it. To find just some meaning, no matter how slight, in everything that has led him here, to this present timeline. His traumatic childhood memories, his hatred of humanity, the seventeen imagined years of pain and suffering that brought him here... It was all some useless glitch in the system. ]
Yes, thank you.
[ Eito folds his gloved hands together in his lap, a small, placid smile on his lips. Takumi has been worried. This is the second time Eito has sustained a critical injury resulting in Takumi fussing over him more than the other team members, except this time, it was his own choice. Eito did this. Eito made Takumi go gather the supplies for his shades, knowing all too well that Takumi would be horrified with his decision. ]
Did you know that there's a condition called Phantom Eye Syndrome? I read about it not long ago. Phantom Eye Syndrome involves experiencing 'phantom pain' behind the sockets, paired with visual hallucinations and other strange sensations.
[ Now, more than anything, he wants to teach himself how to learn how to see and appreciate innate beauty. That, paired with supporting Takumi and fighting alongside the others, is his main goal. Everything else can come later.
That doesn't mean Eito hasn't spent a worrying amount of time thinking back on that experiment, though, and everything they didn't talk about afterward. ]
All this is to say that yes, it still hurts. But I maintain that the benefits of losing my sight far outweigh the costs, including this pain.
[ somehow, this makes it worse for takumi. eito really does have a talent for making him anxious... he thought that most of the pain would be in the back of eito's sockets from the severing, followed by his corneas or tear glands. not... from eito's brain causing him to think his eyes are intact and wounded. surely, this will leave some awful psychological effects, too? beyond hallucinations and weird sensory issues.
the stern expression on takumi's face melts into visible concern. then, he frowns and reaches out to wipe the blood from eito's other waterline. his eyelids appear a bit ruddy; it looks like eito rubbed them vigorously before this, which takumi knows he didn't. ]
I get it, but I don't like the sound of it, either.
[ which is why he's been soooo stiff about being the one in charge of eito's recovery. everything about this is dreadful no matter what eito himself says. and the fact the revive-o-matic has been altered so that death won't heal him...
This is the second time you've been forced to take care of me after an injury now, so I can't really argue with that.
[ To his credit, he doesn't flinch when Takumi wipes more blood away. Takumi's displeasure isn't something Eito can see, but he can feel the weight of it as though he could. He can picture it so easily, too. Takumi's lips are probably curved into a little pout, giving him even more of a baby face. ]
Don't make that face, Takumi-kun. Aren't you happy? You don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back anymore! All of this must have brought you at least some relief.
[ he points out that fact first, just as pouty as eito envisions. ]
...And I didn't think that. [ takumi knows eito isn't looking directly at him, but he still averts his gaze to the side when he adds, ] Not after what happened.
[ either takumi is an idiot or it is as eito says and he's too trusting. of course someone who values emotional intimacy would feel like the guy he slept with—not fully, but, like, kind of—would refrain from hurting him afterwards. ]
Or was that still something you had in your back pocket? Were you considering betraying me again?
[ the horrid suggestion lacks severity when it's expressed in such a sulky tone. ]
[ It's stated plainly, with no trace of insincerity or sarcasm, and his smile dissipates. Eito's eyelids flutter closed before he continues speaking, more for Takumi's benefit than anything. ]
I believe I was meant to devote myself to you since the moment you chose to let me live. What happened between us solidified that resolve. But the others... Frankly, most of them still don't want me on the team. Do you think the Team Leader playing favorites with the resident traitor would have been a good look?
[ There are many layers of complexity to why Eito gouged out his eyes. There's no one convenient reason or concise explanation. Even before learning about his 'glitch', he had wrestled with hating his vision. That moment of intimacy with Takumi and the aftermath of it only added fuel to the depths of his hatred for how his 'righteous' eyes viewed the world. ]
[ takumi can't even deny that he was 'playing favorites' because he was. he's sure that the others probably noticed an unusual dissonence between eito and himself, too; how could takumi go from staunchly bedsitting eito after a traumatic injury to just about avoiding him all the time?
he fiddles with the slightly bloody towelette. ]
Probably not.
[ the probably not withstanding; it definitely wouldn't have been good for his reputation. to his team, it looks like he's been blatantly fraternizing with the traitor. ]
They might not like my decisions but they still trust me. [ he's bargaining. ] ...At least it seems that way.
[ eito closed his eyes, but the sight of them lingers in his mind. ]
There had to have been something else you could've done.
[ He shifts where they're seated, long lashes casting a shadow over his face. ]
Maybe there was, but this is all I could think of. This was the only way I could come up with that would both prove my loyalty and help me start learning to appreciate the innate beauty of others. You can hate how unsightly I look, but I don't want anything to do with those 'righteous eyes' anymore.
[ That last part, especially, Eito says with certainty in his tone. Because surely, surely Takumi looks at him differently now that he has two gaping holes in place of aesthetically pleasing lilac eyes. Surely Takumi sees him as unattractive, even grotesque. Now, wouldn't that be fitting? The thought brings a small, rueful smile to his lips, just a touch amused. ]
You can't go from calling me gross and unsightly to calling yourself that. It's weird.
[ not very eloquently put, but he means it. there's just something really uncomfortable about eito's self-flagellation. he already mutilated his body, so is degrading himself on top of it necessary? takumi doesn't think so, nor does he like it.
eito can't see the irritation on his face, but he can hear the way takumi tosses the towelette to the side. ]
Before we parted ways after our little experiment a few weeks ago, you were going to say something before cutting yourself off.
[ "And Aotsuki...
...no, nevermind. I'll see you later." ]
I should have asked sooner. What was it?
[ He knows he's putting Takumi on the spot here, which is why Eito offers up a compromise, fingers flexing in his lap. ]
And if you're willing, I'm ready to talk now. About—us.
[ The vulnerability of it makes him visibly cringe a little, but at this point and after so many other developments, continuing to ignore it feels even more cringeworthy. ]
[ takumi counts it as a blessing that eito misses the way he suddenly freezes up, the terseness in his features draining instantly and cheeks coloring a bit. he regrets having thrown the towelette away now; he'll just have to pull at the sleeves of his clothing instead.
a sigh is expelled through his nose, and then he answers, albeit reluctantly. ]
I was gonna remind you that I care about you.
[ any language stronger than that is out of takumi's bounds, but eito is good at reading between the lines. ]
You didn't seem to know or understand that before the experiment.
[ takumi plays with a loose thread in the seam of his hoodie. ]
[ Eito sucks in a breath. Obviously he can read between the lines here, and he knew, of course he knew, but the confirmation is...
He can hear the susurration of fabric Takumi is pulling at, giving away his bashfulness. Cute. ]
I appreciate the clarification. [ Such a clinical way of putting it, but Eito means that. ] It's one thing to see and feel the sentiment, as we both did, and another to hear it spoken aloud.
[ Eito's fingers flex again before one hand inches across the space between them, ever so slowly. His pinky extends outward, searching. ]
[ eito's delicate response causes takumi's blush to burn hotter. he shoots the other an embarrassed glower, but forgets eito can't see it, so he feels a little stupid immediately afterwards. however, looking in eito's direction again does draw attention to that carefully outstretched finger.
takumi's cheeks swell and he reaches out to touch eito's pinky with his. ]
You ran away before I could. ...Not that I'm blaming you or anything. I know it was a lot.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
When he speaks, his voice comes in little more than a whisper, husky with want. He leans in closer to Takumi, much closer, tilting his head to the side and making direct eye contact. ]
So needy. Begging for me like that... Just how desperate are you, Takumi-kun?
[ Not that Eito is faring much better. The way Takumi uses that strength to hold him and take what he wants sends more ripples of heat surging through him, making everything feel even more dizzying and feverish. In this moment, it feels as though he has never wanted anything more in his entire life than this. That can't be true, but his usual logic and reason has been thrown out the window. At this point, he's no better than Takumi. ]
I'll give you what you want.
[ Syrupy sweet, an echo of Takumi's promise from earlier. Living up to those words, Eito jerks them both off in earnest, hips clumsily colliding with Takumi's all the while. Simultaneously, he starts fucking Takumi's soul with his fingers again, twisting them each time he pumps them in and out. It's sloppy and uncoordinated and graceless, but that certainly doesn't stop him. Eito is close, can feel himself throttling toward the edge—but some twisted sense of pride has him wanting to see Takumi fall apart first, all so he can be the one to put him back together afterward. ]
no subject
[ the apology comes out slurred. takumi can't fathom why he even says it, but it's likely his masochistic streak, the urge to be good and please his partner. eito isn't actually unhappy with his desperation—the opposite, clearly—and yet takumi still yearns for acceptance. he returns eito's teasing look with one of pure pleading, doe-eyed and lashes wet. there's no greater relief than eito smiling and declaring takumi will receive his reward.
...no, maybe the sweetened husk in eito's voice is far superior. a renewed flush rushes up takumi's neck from that honeyed lilt, and he hurriedly nods, forehead lightly bumping into eito's as he does. red and white entwine together. ]
Thanks, thank you, [ he stammers dumbly. the sharp, commanding tone takumi takes on as team leader is shot dead; instead, all that remains is a boyish waver and pointless quivering. ] I—I want it.
[ eito's hand tightens and commits to jerking them off, and takumi doesn't have to look to know their mixture of precum has saturated his glove. his pants are loud and heavy as he tries to endure the rapid pangs of arousal the friction elicits. the fact they're nearly painful just brings takumi more pleasure; how far gone is he, then? he can't even adjust to eito's palm before eito takes the opportunity to thrust his fingers back into takumi's cavity.
his vision instantly blackens, overwhelmed by an unbearably hot sensation and an urge to come. he wouldn't be shocked if he died from this.
takumi chokes on a sob and shudders. ]
Ao—tsuki—
[ his petite frame is overtaken by involuntary trembling before abruptly going rigid. then, takumi whimpers faintly, a hot rope of come spurting out from between eito's fingers and sullying them completely. his gratification is numbing, and yet takumi instinctively seeks more of eito. he mindlessly and weakly thrusts into eito's hand, whining to himself as he unloads between them in sticky strands. the heat of eito's cock nudges against takumi's and encourages his defeat. ]
1/2
No one besides him, that is. Eito will make sure of that. ]
That's right. There you go. Easy, now...
[ He coos as Takumi's spend debauches his glove. Takumi whining through the tail end of his climax and chasing every last remnant of pleasure has Eito making a choked noise in the back of his throat before he comes, too, embarrassingly quick to follow. With the whole experience being as surreal as it has been, it feels as though his orgasm hits in slow motion, lazy waves of pleasure washing over him as he rolls his hips even knowing Takumi will be overstimulated. He fingers Takumi's soul through the entire thing, greedily drinking in one last vision of Takumi the young man rather than Takumi the monster.
And then it's over, the finale finished, and Eito slumps over, breath coming in harsh, labored pants against the skin of Takumi's neck. It takes a good minute before he retracts his hand from Takumi's chest cavity, sliding out gently. His glove is just as drenched and ruined as the one covered in both their seed. ]
That... that was—
2/2
You have ten seconds to get off of me before I puke my guts out all over you. This is your only warning.
[ His tone is clipped and indecipherable, though not harsh. As reality catches up with him, including his regular, fucked-up senses, the mood dissipates into a sickening feeling far more familiar to him, one that greets him like an old friend. ]
help
takumi just barely manages to nod in response to eito's blunt warning. ]
Okay.
[ it's—hard to move. his legs feel like jelly, and he is admittedly still very lightheaded. takumi's vision is flickering, too. he gathers his strength regardless, pulling enough of himself together to shimmy backwards and... fall onto his ass. takumi makes a little ugh from the impact of landing on the ground. ]
Um... [ he lifts his gaze and concentrates on eito's features. they're blotchy, but stiff. ] You can puke if you want.
[ not like takumi isn't used to vomit by now. ]
😭 takumi is so kind...
[ The words are dripping with annoyance, and it's the only thing Eito can manage before he turns away from Takumi, gets on his hands and knees, and vomits up the contents of his stomach from the past day or so. All things considered, it's not much besides apple slices and stomach acid, but that only makes it worse. Tears sting at the corners of his eyes as he retches, over and over, senses going haywire in the worst way possible.
He should be used to dealing with this by now, but it's still... frustrating, to put it lightly. To have a moment of intimate physical connection for the first time in his life, only for it to be shattered like this.
Eito has no idea how much time passes like that, but eventually, nothing comes out anymore except spit and drool. He can't even wipe his mouth, gloves ruined as they are. Taking one glove off is the only option, but letting another person see his bare hand for the first time feels like exposing too much.
Then again, he and Takumi quite literally just jerked off together while feeling around each other's insides, so—wait, no, that thought is enough to have Eito dry heaving again. ]
Ugh.
[ With a disgusted sound, Eito plucks one ruined glove off, tosses it to the ground and swipes at his mouth. ]
guy that would hold your hair for you while you throw up ❤️
...it really isn't a big deal. in the previous timeline when takumi was trying to get tsubasa on board to fight, he'd ran a few lines of reassurance through his mind, one of which was to offer to puke with her to alleviate her embarrassment. vomit isn't something he's particularly fussed over, so eito throwing up the apple snack and bile is fine; it doesn't make takumi nauseous at all. rather, he wishes he could rub circles into eito's back to at least soothe him during his ordeal.
Sorry, he thinks to himself. he figures it wouldn't help to say it aloud.
takumi looks over at eito only after it appears that there's nothing left to spit out. he stares a little too hard at the exposed skin of his hand. ]
Is there anything I can do?
[ ......is it pointless to ask at this point? ]
he's literally nice ❤️
You can stop staring at my hand. Other than that, no. I'm finished now.
[ A beat passes, the silence heavy and awkward. There's no post-orgasm glow to be found, no exhausted and content crawling into each other's arms. ]
Well, this has been... an experience, to say the least, but I think I'll be heading back to my room to scrub off your bodily fluids. Are we done here?
[ Cruel? Yes. But how does one even begin to unpack what just happened? ]
HE'S LITERALLY NICE!!!
there's... a lot that could be said. about what was exposed from touching each other's souls, the sheer physicality, their feelings, and the overall connection between them through various timelines. takumi may understand eito better than ever before, but it'll take time to process everything. he also has to finally acknowledge his own affections. how many lives has he lived turning a blind eye? did he ultimately doom their relationship the very moment he went back in time? or did it happen before then, when he failed to notice eito's betrayal and twisted love for him in those original hundred days?
when he finally responds, takumi's voice is raspy and low. ]
I'll clean everything up. Get some rest.
[ they can't have anyone wondering where the blood spatters, mysterious fluids, or vomit came from. it's the least takumi can do, anyway. ]
And Aotsuki...
[ deep, dark blue irises lift from the floor to study eito's face. takumi's expression is vague. ]
...no, nevermind. I'll see you later.
no subject
[ Eito's eyes are curious and bright behind his glasses, their regular lilac hue having returned. Though he still looks weak and pale, he's gracious enough to offer Takumi a small, appreciative smile, unexpectedly genuine. ]
See you soon. This has been enlightening.
[ He picks up his soiled glove and stands. And then, with a too-casual wave of his bare hand, he makes his way out the door. ]
no subject
[ that's the warning takumi gives before he gently presses a cold and wet towelette against eito's reddened waterline, diligently wiping away the crusted blood that has gathered there. it's apparent from the steadiness of his hand and his lack of reaction to the injury's gruesomeness that this is something he has done before. yes, eito's empty, ravaged sockets are no longer a surprise to takumi; he simply cleanses what is leftover, already having spent time mourning once familiar lilac.
...it's been nearly two weeks since the experiment. a lot has changed.
with pressure mounting, sirei finally revealed the truth of their origins. the reality that they are not human, that their precious loved ones and memories are fabricated, had been devastating. however, it also set things in motion. they were fighting with purpose now, though decidedly not for humanity but for themselves. and after a handful of days, takumi managed to overcome his initial despondency. he had to if he wanted to survive.
nevertheless, his uncertainty regarding eito remained.
they... didn't discuss what happened between them, not really. if anything, they continued on rather precariously, acknowledging each other in public and avoiding spending too much time one on one. takumi didn't mind at first. he knew eito needed to sift through more than just his feelings for him; he had to accept that his very foundation had been faulty from the start. yet, even with that in mind, takumi felt that the lack of closure hurt. he stewed on it in his room most afternoons.
eventually, this period of ambiguity resolved itself. and it was at the cost of eito's eyesight. ]
That better? [ takumi prompts, voice rough as he dabs the outer corner of eito's lashes. ] I know it probably still hurts, though.
[ he pulls the towelette away with a huff. ]
no subject
Yes, thank you.
[ Eito folds his gloved hands together in his lap, a small, placid smile on his lips. Takumi has been worried. This is the second time Eito has sustained a critical injury resulting in Takumi fussing over him more than the other team members, except this time, it was his own choice. Eito did this. Eito made Takumi go gather the supplies for his shades, knowing all too well that Takumi would be horrified with his decision. ]
Did you know that there's a condition called Phantom Eye Syndrome? I read about it not long ago. Phantom Eye Syndrome involves experiencing 'phantom pain' behind the sockets, paired with visual hallucinations and other strange sensations.
[ Now, more than anything, he wants to teach himself how to learn how to see and appreciate innate beauty. That, paired with supporting Takumi and fighting alongside the others, is his main goal. Everything else can come later.
That doesn't mean Eito hasn't spent a worrying amount of time thinking back on that experiment, though, and everything they didn't talk about afterward. ]
All this is to say that yes, it still hurts. But I maintain that the benefits of losing my sight far outweigh the costs, including this pain.
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[ somehow, this makes it worse for takumi. eito really does have a talent for making him anxious... he thought that most of the pain would be in the back of eito's sockets from the severing, followed by his corneas or tear glands. not... from eito's brain causing him to think his eyes are intact and wounded. surely, this will leave some awful psychological effects, too? beyond hallucinations and weird sensory issues.
the stern expression on takumi's face melts into visible concern. then, he frowns and reaches out to wipe the blood from eito's other waterline. his eyelids appear a bit ruddy; it looks like eito rubbed them vigorously before this, which takumi knows he didn't. ]
I get it, but I don't like the sound of it, either.
[ which is why he's been soooo stiff about being the one in charge of eito's recovery. everything about this is dreadful no matter what eito himself says. and the fact the revive-o-matic has been altered so that death won't heal him...
ugh. ]
You're a handful.
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[ To his credit, he doesn't flinch when Takumi wipes more blood away. Takumi's displeasure isn't something Eito can see, but he can feel the weight of it as though he could. He can picture it so easily, too. Takumi's lips are probably curved into a little pout, giving him even more of a baby face. ]
Don't make that face, Takumi-kun. Aren't you happy? You don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back anymore! All of this must have brought you at least some relief.
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[ he points out that fact first, just as pouty as eito envisions. ]
...And I didn't think that. [ takumi knows eito isn't looking directly at him, but he still averts his gaze to the side when he adds, ] Not after what happened.
[ either takumi is an idiot or it is as eito says and he's too trusting. of course someone who values emotional intimacy would feel like the guy he slept with—not fully, but, like, kind of—would refrain from hurting him afterwards. ]
Or was that still something you had in your back pocket? Were you considering betraying me again?
[ the horrid suggestion lacks severity when it's expressed in such a sulky tone. ]
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[ It's stated plainly, with no trace of insincerity or sarcasm, and his smile dissipates. Eito's eyelids flutter closed before he continues speaking, more for Takumi's benefit than anything. ]
I believe I was meant to devote myself to you since the moment you chose to let me live. What happened between us solidified that resolve. But the others... Frankly, most of them still don't want me on the team. Do you think the Team Leader playing favorites with the resident traitor would have been a good look?
[ There are many layers of complexity to why Eito gouged out his eyes. There's no one convenient reason or concise explanation. Even before learning about his 'glitch', he had wrestled with hating his vision. That moment of intimacy with Takumi and the aftermath of it only added fuel to the depths of his hatred for how his 'righteous' eyes viewed the world. ]
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he fiddles with the slightly bloody towelette. ]
Probably not.
[ the probably not withstanding; it definitely wouldn't have been good for his reputation. to his team, it looks like he's been blatantly fraternizing with the traitor. ]
They might not like my decisions but they still trust me. [ he's bargaining. ] ...At least it seems that way.
[ eito closed his eyes, but the sight of them lingers in his mind. ]
There had to have been something else you could've done.
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[ He shifts where they're seated, long lashes casting a shadow over his face. ]
Maybe there was, but this is all I could think of. This was the only way I could come up with that would both prove my loyalty and help me start learning to appreciate the innate beauty of others. You can hate how unsightly I look, but I don't want anything to do with those 'righteous eyes' anymore.
[ That last part, especially, Eito says with certainty in his tone. Because surely, surely Takumi looks at him differently now that he has two gaping holes in place of aesthetically pleasing lilac eyes. Surely Takumi sees him as unattractive, even grotesque. Now, wouldn't that be fitting? The thought brings a small, rueful smile to his lips, just a touch amused. ]
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[ takumi's response is abrupt. ]
You can't go from calling me gross and unsightly to calling yourself that. It's weird.
[ not very eloquently put, but he means it. there's just something really uncomfortable about eito's self-flagellation. he already mutilated his body, so is degrading himself on top of it necessary? takumi doesn't think so, nor does he like it.
eito can't see the irritation on his face, but he can hear the way takumi tosses the towelette to the side. ]
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[ Takumi's irritation shines through loud and clear, but Eito doesn't really mind. It's understandable, given the circumstances.
Eyelids still shut, Eito turns toward him. ]
May I ask you something?
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[ despite everything, takumi's voice is still surprisingly level. ]
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[ "And Aotsuki...
...no, nevermind. I'll see you later." ]
I should have asked sooner. What was it?
[ He knows he's putting Takumi on the spot here, which is why Eito offers up a compromise, fingers flexing in his lap. ]
And if you're willing, I'm ready to talk now. About—us.
[ The vulnerability of it makes him visibly cringe a little, but at this point and after so many other developments, continuing to ignore it feels even more cringeworthy. ]
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a sigh is expelled through his nose, and then he answers, albeit reluctantly. ]
I was gonna remind you that I care about you.
[ any language stronger than that is out of takumi's bounds, but eito is good at reading between the lines. ]
You didn't seem to know or understand that before the experiment.
[ takumi plays with a loose thread in the seam of his hoodie. ]
So... I wanted to make sure you didn't forget.
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[ Eito sucks in a breath. Obviously he can read between the lines here, and he knew, of course he knew, but the confirmation is...
He can hear the susurration of fabric Takumi is pulling at, giving away his bashfulness. Cute. ]
I appreciate the clarification. [ Such a clinical way of putting it, but Eito means that. ] It's one thing to see and feel the sentiment, as we both did, and another to hear it spoken aloud.
[ Eito's fingers flex again before one hand inches across the space between them, ever so slowly. His pinky extends outward, searching. ]
... No one has ever said that to me before.
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takumi's cheeks swell and he reaches out to touch eito's pinky with his. ]
You ran away before I could. ...Not that I'm blaming you or anything. I know it was a lot.
[ more squirming. ]
I guess I'm the first person, then.
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they released me from my enclosure so it's time to misbehave!!!!!
hell yeah
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:)
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2/2 moe attack
(staggers backward) OUGH
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eito moe nuke
OOGH
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guy who says 'tch...' in bed
MOE......
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